" She smiledas she said it."These are my pretty things and I am responsible for them," I repeatedsmiling myself.She led me over to stand in front of the door, turning me around to facethe room."This is my room and I am a lady, body and mind," she said looking medirectly in the eye."This is my room and I am a lady, body and mind," I repeated smiling agreat big smile."And I love it," I whispered as I crinkled my nose and smiled with joy."I am glad for you too," Lidia said as she crinkled her nose and smiledback at me."Now we need to get to dinner or we will be late, come on," Lidia saidpulling me out the door.Chapter 17On the way over Lidia was explaining how I should compose myself at thetable. How I should sit, what to do with my napkin, where to put myhands, and how to eat without leaning over the table, a dip she calledit. I was trying to repeat all of this in my head when we came into thedinning hall.It was a mass of hushed noise and huge, there had to be over two hundredgirls. Gwyneth went over to the afterlife and came back. The grief came down in torrents, destroying whatever was left of his already brittle psyche. Fear. Fear. The fear of losing her was such a visceral reaction, he actually felt like retching. The nausea hit him hard, inciting a gurgle of dry heaves. He felt sick to the marrow. Then there was the guilt of knowing that this was all his fault. If only he had been more vigilant. If only he had possessed the foresight to anticipate this. If only they were prepared. If only he was less arrogant. If only she was protected. Safety deigned a price far beyond any fortune could have afforded, and he knew it. His only option now was to hope that his mistake wasn’t a fatal one. The teardrops mingled with the water on his face. There was no point in holding back now. Fear. Love. Grief. Guilt. All these years, he had thought that he was immune to this kind of crap. He’d prided himself on being the master of his feelings, displaying excellent control.
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